I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
