I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
