You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
