Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
