I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
