a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
A+ Viking dick
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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