I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
