If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
