just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
