i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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