I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
