Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
