I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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