Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
