I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
