Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
