The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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