I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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