oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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