I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
