$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
