this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He shit in the fireplace
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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