My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
