i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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