OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
