im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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