He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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