I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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