THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I think I sprained my soul last night
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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