Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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