dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
