so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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