Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
