would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
