You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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