I bet he comes in French.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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