Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
