but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
