dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
