I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Life is so much better after having sex.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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