My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We talked him into tasing himself.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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