you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
