May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
