When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
