i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
