They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
