how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
