I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
