I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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