My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
