So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
