I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
