And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
