i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
