At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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