i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
