Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
