so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
