why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize