someone get that fucking seahorse.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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