Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
