Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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