Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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