I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
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apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
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My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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