After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
