Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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