i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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