Moan for me like Helen Keller
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
