I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
